My Lazy Girl

It was a new follow request on my social media from a stranger. I opened the app with a dull face and what I then encounter took me out of my feet. It was Derik. It was his request to follow me on some social media app. He still had the same profile picture which I once approved.  It’s been two years today when I last spoke to Derik. Life in New York has been hard but I guess that’s what I wanted somewhere. I decided to shift to New York from Australia. Maybe I was running from things but confessing them was even harder so I chose to run till I find a permanent closure for myself. I deleted everything from my cell phone which belonged to him. His photographs, his number, his mails. It felt like a decade passed by. I wasn’t aware about his existence but I knew he was still breathing in some corner of the earth. I could feel that every day, though my everyday was an effort to move on but in that effort some part of me used to stay behind and think about him....

Applause the Pause before its over!! We have been constantly cribbing upon how desperately we need   a break from our 9 to 5 monotonous schedule. We spend our lifetime working as Tech maniacs, working towards a drift without pondering upon the realization that why are we even doing this? Our Instagram stories and posts are the evidence that we struggle to show our existence in the world. We want fancy vacations,million followers on our accounts, a 6 digit salary, high class friends and summon our day captioning " Trying this Greek Yogurt as probiotics!" When I can gaurantee, not even half of your friend list would know the difference between a curd and a yogurt! Fancy. Isn't it? (And I am also sure that majority of you will google the difference between them after reading this blog of mine.   You can always thank me later silly!) I literally want you to come, sit by my side and think! Think about the answers of the question which I am about to shoot on...

You will get your light that will eventually make you shine and those little pieces of your soul will come back . Since childhood I was a huge fan of love stories. I used to read romantic novels. I used to believe in magic. I used to watch movies where you can sniff love all around or at least they used to end with a happy note. But then who knew my love story would be as ridiculous as it could be. Well, I know. You need not to make me believe that. Shutup Alan. (Chuckles) I used to believe that I was the Gardner of love. I used to soil it wherever I thought it could grew. But the winds have been so harsh upon me that they always rooted my plants off. Sometimes I wonder how can people be so blessed with love? Like it’s good they are but how? And why always I have to fall for the wrong one? I mean people see each other, get to know each other and they are happily ever after. As simple as breathing. As if you step into a huge store of clothes and at the very first at...

You there, right? Hello?? Clara??  What’s going on in your head Derik? Nothing. He responded in a expressionless voice. You okay? Yeah. Pretty much. Are you sure? Yeah Clara, please don’t poke me with your questions. I said I am fine!! ( silence) (heavy gasps) Why you talking like that to me? How can you be so rude? If you don’t wanna talk, hang up!! Fine, I am sorry!! I just, I am not so fine Clara. I mean I am fine but there’s one part of mine which is not okay. I know, tell me, what’s bothering you. Breath first. I am listening, tell me! I am missing you Clara. I am missing you here!! I am thousand miles apart and it feels cold. I am questioning my existence. Is this really what I truly starved for? And if it is so, it’s accomplishment gives me no pleasure and happiness. I am not feeling contented. I don’t know where I wanna go, what I wanna do next. I am not able to find the word “Settlement” in my dictionary. All I am having are the bla...

Our eyes understand each other better when our words fail. We can always find a new road even when we are lost on some highway. But for that, you should be ready to drive! What do you think we will do once we are old? I asked him out of no where. We are already old Clara, said he in a voice that has already lost its spark. Oh come on oldy, I don’t know about you but I am surely young. He giggled on my stupid response and said, yeah madam why not. What? I mean life is fun but don’t people get bored of sex after a certain point of time? What?? He gave me a disgusting yet surprised look as i completed the sentence. Are you lost or what? Wait, come here, let me smell you! He sniffed my collar to check any evidence of alcohol in me. You smell okay but the perfume is really good. I giggled and blushed in my own space. Shut up man, just stop it. People are noticing us. (we both passed fishy smiles to each other) Okay, see there. Do you see those group of ladies si...

Life is never sorted. Neither it will be ever. Issues are and will always be there.  I can totally feel your nerves when someone mentions something of this sort. Homo sapiens are tend to waste half of their lives in thinking about future because somewhere they are already fucked up with some bitter experiences. Let me make it more simple for you. Let’s talk logic! Suppose you have a strand of thread in your hand. Variety of people would carry different notions which would be based on their past experience, their skill set and their thought process of course. Person A : He could simply take up the strand and think, how can this limited amount of thread can solve my purpose. Just let it be. I at least need to have the entire bunch to put it to some use. More and more and more I required. Person B : Now this person could hold the thread and think, 15 days back I got a cut on my finger when I was playing with it. That cut aches till now. I should better leave it as I ...

I looked at him with all the love in my eyes and said, “Nothing! I don’t want anything.” The weather was exactly how I wanted it to be. Night was about to knock the door of the evening. I looked at him; he was busy over a phone call with his manager about some deliveries. I shifted my gaze towards the sky. I peeped out through the window and looked at the dark clouds and to the highway which was ahead us. I knew this moment will never return again. I knew we could never be the same again, and he would never be so- mine again. That moment I had everything I could pray for. A supportive family at my back, non judgmental school friends, the weather and Him. He hit his elbow against mine to check if I was getting bore by his work calls but I was doing fine with my thoughts. I smiled back in response and he winked. Unaware of the thoughts in my head, I was somewhere relieved that he wasn’t aware of the streets I was roaming in. To me, he was my entire world. For him...